When Dementia Gets Aggressive: Behavior in Older Adults

My father in law, Peter McMaster, was a gentle soul his whole life. He was a devoted father, avid soccer player and coach, and a salesman. He had what the Brits call “the gift of the gab.” He could talk to anyone and wouldn’t hurt a fly.

Dementia changed all that. He became easily angered and frustrated.  Moments of gentleness were few and far between.

The first time he ever displayed aggressive behaviors we were totally shocked. “Are you sure you have the right Pete?” we wanted to ask. But sure enough, it was our Pete. An incident at his memory care community resulted in him aggressively attacking another resident with a coat hanger. Another incident involved him using inappropriate language to a staff member.

We were apologetic and embarrassed! But there was no need for us to have those emotions. Aggressive behaviors in dementia patients, whether verbal or physical, are not an indication of who that person is. Simply put, it is the disease, not the person.

These behaviors can be caused by a range of issues – frustration, fear, depression, anxiety. Those are big emotions! Maybe they are tired or hungry or bored. It could be a UTI or a medication issue. When behaviors do occur, try to think back to what happened right before the event. What could have triggered it?

So, how should caregivers handle these situations? First of all, make sure that YOU are safe. Protect yourself and your loved one from doing any physical harm. If you can, walk away. If you are in danger, call 911 and explain to the EMTs that your loved one has dementia.

Don’t get upset (easier said than done!) and don’t let your big emotions make the situation worse. You can help by redirecting the person to a different activity.

But remember… don’t apologize. This is a devastating disease that can manifest in ugly ways. This isn’t your fault or your loved one’s fault. Find the resources you need, through your local CarePatrol advisor, a friend, a neighbor, your local chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association. No one should ever face this alone.